There is a 2 year old asleep in my bed right now. He's snuggled next to my hubby, all warm and toasty under the blankets. He inserted his squirmy little body in between us sometime around 4:30am. During his squirming around he left his lovie towards the end of the bed and when I retrieved it for him, he told me "I do it my self!" So he put the lovie back in it's former location and then retrieved it himself.
Simon is not my first 2 year old. I've done this before. I've watched in amazement as little 2 year old humans, who needed you to do so much for them, start doing things on their own. They want to put the lid on their sippy cups, put on their shoes, peel their banana and climb into and out of the car by themselves. Not well, at first. There are spills, mess ups, accidents. And that is okay because I realize that those are part of the process. They take pride in the doing. I carefully watch over this process and guide when I can.
Being the guide, I set the limits. Like last night when Simon came into the living room, pulled out the piano bench and climbed up. I asked, "Are you going to play the piano?"
He said,"No, I need a tissue."
He was pulling out the bench so that he could stand on it to reach the tissues on TOP of the piano! Did Mom have issues with that? Yep. I got up and handed him the tissue box, explaining that it wasn't safe for him to stand on the piano bench and that I would help him get the tissues. His response was, "I DO IT MY SELF!" So I placed them on the keyboard part of the piano and told him he could get them from there. That wasn't good enough so there was a mini tantrum.
So this morning when Simon said, "I do it myself," I was a little irritated. But what I heard was, "You do that too!" I know who it was that was talking to me. It was the Holy Spirit and he was calling me out! What he was telling me is that I've not been asking for help lately. I've been trying to do everything myself. I've been trying to do it all in my power and I am failing. Big fail. Big mess.
God is good. He is kind and faithful and loving. He will let me learn from my mistakes--IF I will let me learn from them. However, there are some mistakes He really wants to protect me from. Just like my two year old and the piano bench. Simon could have stood on the bench and reached the tissues just fine. But just as easily, he could have lost his footing and fallen, hitting his head on the piano or floor. I didn't want him to learn that way. There are some things that he can learn without actually making the mistake himself. I can too.
It says in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I don't have to carry the burden of my failures, my sins, on my own. He wants me to find rest in Him. To learn from Him. If I am yoked with Him then I have to work with Him. Not against Him. If I am failing, feeling heavily burdened, then I have taken off the yoke. I can't wear the yoke and drag Him along. That doesn't work. I can't go a different direction then Him while wearing the yoke. That doesn't work either. I'm either yoked or I'm not.
Can I learn while wearing the yoke? Sure. He says I will. Will being yoked keep me from making huge mistakes that I will regret? I think so. I think He can teach me without me making those mistakes. Just like my two year old, I don't have to fall off the piano bench and injure myself in order to learn a lesson. Might there be a tantrum if my pride rears it's ugly head and I feel like I know where I should go and what I should do, but he's leading me in a different way? I'm sure there will be. I'm only human.
Who knew that God would choose Simon to talk to me and to teach me a lesson at 4:30 in the morning?! Not I. But I am so glad He did!