I had so much fun this past weekend hanging out with some girlfriends that I grew up with. We have all known eachother for pretty much our entire lives. I am the only one that has moved away but we all still manage to keep in touch. This month my friend Misti will turn 30! The first of this group to do so. We just couldn't let this milestone go by without a celebrations so several months ago we (Rachel, Stephanie and I) decided to surprise Misti with a weekend away. The husband was informed and plans were made. We drove up to her house Friday and boy was she surprised to see all of us and even more so when we told here that we were there to kidnap her! We had her pack a bag and then we headed out. We didn't tell her where we were going until we got close and I think she was really excited. We stayed in a hotel in The Woodlands and did a lot of shopping in the Mall. We ate at The Olive Garden and had cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. We stayed up late talking and it was great to catch up. It is so funny to see how these women have changed but then to still recognize some of the same person they were 15 and 20 years ago! I will always stay in touch with these women and I love them so much!
I loved taking bubble baths when I was growing up! Oh wait, I still do. It is fun to see my boys enjoy theirs so much. I love that I can teach them things to do with the bubbles, but then to watch what they come up with on their own is priceless. These guys bring me so much joy and I enjoy every minute with them. Even the ones when they are driving me crazy!!!
I've been wanting to write this post for a couple of weeks but didn't feel like I could put my miscarriage experience into words, until now. I had to heal a little and really think about why I would want to share this with anybody. My prayer is that by putting my story "out there" someone will realize that they are not alone in their loss and that someone else might acknowledge that life begins at conception.
I found out I was pregnant on Sunday, April 26th when I took a home pregnancy test. I began to be suspiscious when I felt nauseated on Thursday and then again on Saturday night. So Sunday I made Troy run to CVS and get me a pregnancy test before he took the boys to church...I wasn't going because I was "sick". Anyway, the result was positive! I was excited and happy...maybe a tad bit surprised! So we waited for a while to tell our news but we did end up sharing it with quite a few people. We had Simon dedicated on Mother's Day and our friends Ray and Janell dedicated their baby girl Olivia at the same time. It was a great day and I was excited and happy to be a Mom and so excited and happy about having another child!
I continued to feel bloated, nauseated and all the other fun hormonal changes that pregnancy brings. My fist doctor's appointment was on the 22nd of May and I saw the Midwife at S&W. She had me undress from the waist down and then examined me. She said everything felt like it should. Then we did an ultrasound and that is when it all turned sour. She kept looking at the gestational sac and even I could see that it didn't look right. There was no embryo inside, that we could see. She asked if I could be off in counting the days of my cycle and I told her I didn't think so. Then she measured the sac and it showed to be a little under 8 weeks which was about right. She explained to me that sometimes they just can't see them on the ultrasound because they are not big enough for the machine to pick up yet. I didn't really understand though because with Caleb we had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and we could definitely see him! She then said that she thought that maybe I had what is called a blighted ovum. Apparantly the embryo can stop thriving very early on but the gestational sac can keep growing, which can make you continue to feel pregnant. She thought that I should wait a week and see my Doctor who would do another ultrasound and then if there was still no growth a D&C would be done.
Troy and I were very sad and very confused. I didn't understand how if there was nothing there, how could there be something there later. I mean either it's there are it's not, right?! I went home and really struggled but felt like I had to hope that everything would be alright the next week...that for whatever reason this little baby was just small and behind in it's growth. I looked up everything I could about blighted ovums. This was a website that really helped me out.
So on the 28th of May, Troy and I went to see the Doctor where she did the 2nd ultrasound. Again the sac was empty. I was heartbroken. The Doctor explained that the sac had grown more and that she thought it looked healthy. She said she did not recommend doing a D&C because they had been surprised before by other babies who had not appeared to be there but then later were picked up by the ultrasound. This was really upsetting to hear because it was just like being in limbo. I didn't know if I was pregnant or not and I just wanted an outcome. I told her, "Well, I don't want to have an abortion." So she said we need to wait. She wanted to see us in another week and that if something happened before than and I bled too much to go to the hospital. If I had any questions then to call the 800 number to talk to a nurse.
Well, I went home and I prayed. I just wanted to go ahead and miscarry if there wasn't a live baby in my womb. I knew prolonging it for the week would be agonizing. So he answered my prayer and on Friday afternoon I started spotting and by Saturday evening it was finished. My body had successfully done what a body should do in that situation. It was not enjoyable, I was very sad, and I am a little bit traumatized by it. Part of me wishes that I had been able to have the D&C so that I could have avoided the honesty of it all. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful husband who was there to comfort me and pray for me, for us. I rested for the next several days but then things returned to normal, for the most part. I still wish I were pregnant...I'd have been 17 weeks this Friday.
I still get sad about it from time to time but I think that is okay. I have 3 wonderful boys who keep me busy and I am so thankful for each one of them. I don't know why I miscarred. I do know that God loves me and that he has a plan for my life and I believe for the life that was there. It frustrates me when someone would say..."So you weren't really pregnant?" or "So there wasn't a baby there?". There was a baby there....it just died when it was really small....too small for the ultrasound to see. Life starts at conception!
I was pregnant and I am grieving over the loss of my child. A child that I started loving and praying for as soon as I found out I was pregnant.
Tonight I went to try deep water aerobics with some friends at Aerofit. It was a great workout but I didn't like the way it made my toes and fingers feel all water logged. I know, waaa!waaa!waaa! It was a lot harder than I thought it would be but I really feel like I had a total body workout. The water was 15 feet deep and so we would use a noodle to do most of the excersises or these water weights (bouys). The instructor had us kicking and punching all over that pool! Anywho, it was a great experience and we were able to finish up before it started raining. As we are putting all the stuff away it starts and so by the time I finish cleaning myself up a bit and Troy and I get the kids out of childcare, it is pouring down. We hurry out to the car, but still got soaked. (Good thing my hair was already wet!) I have this great idea that we should just go through the drive thru at Freebirds and take home burritos for supper. So off we go to Freebirds and the rain is coming down harder. We get to Freebirds and Troy says that he will just run in because going through the drive thru would get too much water in the car. The wind has picked up quite a bit by this time and there are little pieces of hail coming down with the rain. So Troy bravely runs in and picks up a Freebird's trashcan that had fallen over on the way, good samaritan that he is, never mind that it was blown over again less than a minute later. So the boys and I are sitting in the car and Josh informs me that he has to potty! Ohhh, the timing! It has started to rain more and hail more and so I tell Josh that he will have to hold it until we got home. I'm so mean, I know. I call Troy at this point and tell him that if he hasn't already ordered to forget it and let's just go home to eat because Josh also has to go to the bathroom. But he was paying already and so he suggested we just all come in and eat. I said alright since it was looking pretty scary outside and I was already thinking it would not be too smart to get on the road anyway. So Troy comes out and we all make it inside Freebirds. We sit down to eat and then the wind REALLY picks up and the hail REALLY starts to fall (about dime sized pieces). I really love storms...when I am at home where I feel all safe and cozy. I am thinking there is about to be a tornado though...I do NOT love those. So we all move away from the windows, us and everyone else in the restaurant, and watched as the hail pinged off our cars and the wind blew the shrubs over to touch the ground. We settled the kids down and had them start eating but I was too excited and anxious to eat. So I held Simon while Troy ate and tried to find out info about the storm from friends who had television or internet. We were told that the most serious part of the storm was close to our house...I was imagining the worst, since what we were seeing was pretty durn serious. Apparently there were several funnel clouds but no actual tornados touched down, Thank you Lord! We waited until the rain slacked a little and then decided not to head home just yet since we were getting reports that it was still bad in that area. So we headed across the parking lot to Home Depot, but there was no close parking and parking further out was flooded. So we drove up the parking lot to higher ground, where Pet Smart is. We stayed in Pet Smart for a while and I am sure that the kids really enjoyed watching the gerbils and hamsters, however, I just wanted to go home. Finally we got a caller that said the storm was dying down and so we finally left to go home. We saw some some areas without electricity on the way, but we got home and everything looked fine. There was nothing blown around in the backyard at all! We've had storms before where all the yard toys and furniture were blown about but it seems that our house did not get all the "fun" we had at Freebirds! What a night! I'm so tired but I think my adrenaline has been going and keeping me up. Storms are envigorating. I'm so thankful for all the rain and I am so thankful that we were kept safe at Freebirds!
We have been without rain for weeks at our house. Today it is raining...praise the Lord! I heard it on the window and immediately hollared for the boys to run to the backyard where we all ran around in the rain and got a little wet. I stopped to go inside and get the camera so I could record them. It's been so long since we've had rain and it has been so hot. This rain is the refreshment that has been needed! Enjoy the rain!
I just thought I would share to all my blog readers (hahahaha)that Women of Faith will be in Houston, TX on November 13 and 14 of this year. I went in 2006 and it was so much fun, I was really blessed by it. I would love to go this year and I would love to go with some other sisters. I have entered a giveaway for 4 tickets to this conference and you can too! Just visit mommysnacks.net and follow the directions for the giveaway. You have to take me with you if you win!
Church on Sunday night was just a fun fellowship. We had hotdogs and snowcones for dinner! You can't beat that. Josh decorated his bike with a little help from Ms. Cilena and I. He also wanted a star "tattoo" on each cheek and one on his arm. We made Simon a hat with a feather stuck in it. We said it was his Yankee Doodle Dandy hat! He was so cute in it, but he figured out how to take it off. Ms. Cilena further decorated Simon by putting American Flag sweatbands on his ankles. The kids rode their bikes around the front yard of the church and I pushed Simon around a time or two. We had fun visiting with friends and letting the kids play.
Caleb was not there because he is spending some quality time with his Doc and Nana! He says he is having fun and he is getting to practice lots of swimming at Doc and Nana's community pool. God Bless Doc and Nana!
Happy 4th of July everyone! We are having a relaxing day today! Yesterday evening we had quite a bit of church family over to celebrate. We had a lot of food and the kids played some games in the back yard. We ended our evening with a sing-a-long. Troy and Bob played their guitars and we sang different hymns. I really enjoyed it! I love my church family! Here are some pictures of the event!
I am a stay at home Mom raising 3 boys with my husband of 12 years. My oldest son is 6, the middle is 6 and the baby is 3. They keep me busy and I love it! We moved from Texas to Virginia in July of 2010, where my hubby has taken a job as an Assistant Professor at Virginia Tech. I love reading, scrapbooking, crafting, cake decorating, baking, playing with my kids, listening to music and learning about my Lord and Savior. I welcome any comments as long, as they are respectful.
I read a total of 76 books in 2010 and my goal for 2011 will be 85.
11/25/11UPDATE--I didn't put into consideration that last year I added books of the bible to my list and this year I am not...I didn't keep last year's list but I am pretty sure that at least half of the 76 were just books as opposed to the Bible. So I think a new goal of mine will be to have read 50 books. I only have a month left...